So I was talking to Morgan the other day and she said "The babies are the size of an Avocado! Isn't that great!" I thought that was pretty cool.....but then I remembered. The week before the babies were the size of an Apple. The week before that, a Lemon. The week before that, a Lime, a Kumquat, a Grape.....and so on and so forth....you get the drill.
We couldn't help but joke that although these kids have two Daddies, we needed to find alternative methods to refer to their size in the womb than continually referring to them as Fruit. I mean, really. There has to be another way. . . . and then I remembered a conversation I had a couple of days before:
My friend Bubbles (not her real name but appropriate given her personality and her love of Champagne) says "You're not going to believe what Cindy (also not her real name) said to me the other day!". Bubbles says that Cindy called her up and said:
"Well, I just have to ask you, are JR and Jim gonna raise those babies GAY?"
[I'm going to let that sink in for a moment]
Are you kidding me???? Isn't this 2011? Did she REALLY just ask that question? Was she kidding? Was she serious? Even if she 'thought' it, did she actually "speak those words?"
After Bubbles and I had a good laugh it donned on me that there might be more "Cindy's" out there than I had cared to imagine and it might benefit Jim and I, in the event we encounter that question in the future, to have a prepared response. But, given the sheer absurdity of the notion, how do you really respond to such a question? Seriously, I'm asking? Do any of you have a response for us? We welcome them all but in the interim, we have come up with a few of our own:
Maybe we say: "Well Cindy, we have decided to raise one gay, one straight and one African American" I mean, if we can choose their sexuality, we can certainly choose their ethnic origin. Right?
Or maybe: "Well Cindy, that's an interesting question. Since we are new parents, we are not exactly sure WHEN we make the decision on THEIR sexuality. We will have to ask my mom and dad when they decided to raise me Gay". [After all, I am sure that at some point Mom and Dad (well meaning 18 year olds) sat down in their cute little apartment in Smalltown, Kansas in 1962 (not California or New York but KANSAS....in 1962!) and decided that their first-born son would be raised Gay.]
Or maybe its: "Cindy, we have decided to raise them to be HAPPY. To be good people. To love who they choose and to be who they are and be proud of their family," Isn't that the job of a parent?
To all the "Cindy's" out there: We realize that some of you are well-meaning but unaware. We hope that if you meet us or others like us on the street, you will see that we are just parents. We want to raise our kids to be happy, well-adjusted people. We want to teach them the tools necessary to make good choices, to be good, law-abiding citizens, to give back to their community, to respect other people and lead loving, healthy lives? We can't think of any better reward ....and that is our goal.
We couldn't help but joke that although these kids have two Daddies, we needed to find alternative methods to refer to their size in the womb than continually referring to them as Fruit. I mean, really. There has to be another way. . . . and then I remembered a conversation I had a couple of days before:
My friend Bubbles (not her real name but appropriate given her personality and her love of Champagne) says "You're not going to believe what Cindy (also not her real name) said to me the other day!". Bubbles says that Cindy called her up and said:
"Well, I just have to ask you, are JR and Jim gonna raise those babies GAY?"
[I'm going to let that sink in for a moment]
Are you kidding me???? Isn't this 2011? Did she REALLY just ask that question? Was she kidding? Was she serious? Even if she 'thought' it, did she actually "speak those words?"
After Bubbles and I had a good laugh it donned on me that there might be more "Cindy's" out there than I had cared to imagine and it might benefit Jim and I, in the event we encounter that question in the future, to have a prepared response. But, given the sheer absurdity of the notion, how do you really respond to such a question? Seriously, I'm asking? Do any of you have a response for us? We welcome them all but in the interim, we have come up with a few of our own:
Maybe we say: "Well Cindy, we have decided to raise one gay, one straight and one African American" I mean, if we can choose their sexuality, we can certainly choose their ethnic origin. Right?
Or maybe: "Well Cindy, that's an interesting question. Since we are new parents, we are not exactly sure WHEN we make the decision on THEIR sexuality. We will have to ask my mom and dad when they decided to raise me Gay". [After all, I am sure that at some point Mom and Dad (well meaning 18 year olds) sat down in their cute little apartment in Smalltown, Kansas in 1962 (not California or New York but KANSAS....in 1962!) and decided that their first-born son would be raised Gay.]
Or maybe its: "Cindy, we have decided to raise them to be HAPPY. To be good people. To love who they choose and to be who they are and be proud of their family," Isn't that the job of a parent?
To all the "Cindy's" out there: We realize that some of you are well-meaning but unaware. We hope that if you meet us or others like us on the street, you will see that we are just parents. We want to raise our kids to be happy, well-adjusted people. We want to teach them the tools necessary to make good choices, to be good, law-abiding citizens, to give back to their community, to respect other people and lead loving, healthy lives? We can't think of any better reward ....and that is our goal.
AWESOME post!!! I laughed at the silly responses and cried at the real one...you guys are gonna be great parents!
ReplyDeleteSOOOO glad you're sharing your story!!
-Jeni
Hahaha. Cindy, we will certainly try our best but should our child turn out straight despite our best efforts I am sure we are strong enough to work through the shame and embarrassment that would come with that.
ReplyDeleteI will probably get this type of question from my boss! Not looking forward to it! Ugh.
K
Oh, you will probably get a lot more Cindy's out there for a very long time and it is just so sad. I got asked very similar questions about my IP's when I was preggo and I was so shocked that I couldn't even answer!! All I could do was laugh at the ignorance and kept my mouth shut because what I had to say wasn't going to be very nice at all. Me and the dads also had a very rough and disappointing run in with a medical staff member about our whole dynamic and I will never forget how upset that made us feel. I do understand how some people should not be blamed for their ignorance, but I think it is our job to educate them. And you guys will be a perfect example of how 2 people in love can raise 3 wonderful children no matter who you are or how you love =)
ReplyDelete