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Friday, September 2, 2011

Egg Donor

In most of the blogs we follow regarding Surrogacy, the focus is on the surrogate (for good reason) but rarely a mention of the Egg Donor.  However, in our case, a lot of people have asked us about our Egg Donor.  How did we choose her?  What did we look for in an egg donor?   Did we meet her in person or was it anonymous?  What does she look like etc etc.   To respect her privacy, we will not mention her name or show any photos.  However, given that without her, none of this would have been possible, we feel it's important to tell.that part of the story.

It all started a little over two years ago when Jim and I decided to move forward with surrogacy.  
We had already secured an amazing surrogate "CJ".  We had become good friends with her and her husband as she was the surrogate who carried twins for our friends D & R.  We knew immediately that we wanted to work with her if she wanted to work with us and we were thrilled when she offered to be our surrogate.  She stuck by us through not one, but TWO attempts from which we withdrew out of (my) panic.  UGH!  When we finally decided that we were really ready to move forward, she said that her surrogate days were over (and who could blame her after the roller coaster we put her on!) as she was going to start her own surrogate agency and would not have the time/energy to start a new business and be a surrogate.  We understood.  Although she isn't carrying our babies, we are very happy to say that CJ is still our good friend, the owner of our surrogate agency (Modern Family Surrogacy Center - we are her first clients) and the person who introduced us to Momo.   We owe a LOT to her and we love all that she has done for us....we will never forget our CJ!

Back to the Egg Donor:  Jim and I were given a catalog of available egg donors to pick through.  We decided to each pick our top 5 choices and go from there.   Although we each had different characteristics/criteria that we were looking for,  we both wanted someone smart, attractive, athletic and with a personality.  Basically, we wanted someone that we would want to hang out with.  Out of all the girls we looked at (and there were many), 3 girls were in each of our top 5 and we both picked one girl as our number 1!  Given that, we had to see if she would 'match' with us.  When we told CJ who we wanted, she was ecstatic.   CJ said she was perfect for us in that she was smart, had the sweetest personality of all the girls she had met before, and the added bonus was that she was beautiful inside and out.    Although some IP's (Intended Parents in the surrogacy world) don't want to meet their egg donor, Jim and I felt that it was really important to meet the woman who would provide the 'beginning' of our family.  Obviously, superficial characteristics (height, weight, race, eye color, hair color etc) are important to most people when choosing an egg donor.  But in our case, personality and disposition were equally important as we felt those characteristics would likely appear in our future children.   As they say, "The Apple doesn't fall far from the Tree".  Also, if our children were to ever ask us about who she is or what she was like, we wanted to be able to give them honest answers to their questions.  For all those reasons, we had to meet her in person if she would agree.

CJ organized a breakfast and we all met in San Diego one morning in August of last year.  We were SO nervous.   We wanted her to like us and we needed to like her.  When she arrived, we were immediately struck by how beautiful she was.   We wanted pretty but we got Hot!  We couldn't help but think how our kids might look if she were to be our egg donor.   I guess that's how it starts in the 'real world' so why would this be any different?    That said, during the course of the breakfast, her inner beauty was what sealed the deal for us.  She explained her personal reasons for egg donation and what it meant to her to be helping families like ours become a reality.   She talked about her family and her friends and how much they meant to her.  She talked about the loved ones in her life and how she wanted to be a mother herself one day.  Needless to say, we fell in love with her that day.  She has an amazing personality.  She is very fun and playful.  The kind of person that everyone wants to be friends with.   She is funny and likes to laugh.  And, although she is all but 5 ft nothing and 100 lbs dripping wet, the girl can eat a steak...for breakfast!  Ha  (coming from Oklahoma, that was important to me)  She has a kind, sensitive and thoughtful spirit and seems to put others before herself.  She is close to her family and friends and sees to it that they are having a good time when they are with her.   Basically, we had found the kind of girl you bring home to Mom (the old fashion way) and she was perfect. We were thrilled when she chose to work with us.   Since that day, we have kept in touch.   She is, and will always be, a part of our lives.

CJ, Momo and our egg donor have given us THE most amazing gift and we will never forget who they are and what they represent in our lives and the lives of our children.   God Bless These Women. 

5 comments:

  1. Awesome post! You're right...the donor's tend to be left out of the picture and they play such an important role! How wonderful that you have such a close relationship to all of the "pieces of the puzzle".

    -Jeni

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  2. I am really glad you posted this! It's true the egg donors do seem to get left out of the kudos! YAY for all the women out there who make such a selfless gift to creating families!

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  3. That's great that she's great! Seems like the egg donor bank you chose was a good choice.

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